Feb. 16th, 2015

(no subject)

Feb. 16th, 2015 10:03 pm
A documentary about the unethical practices of pharmaceutical companies made me stop taking one of my medications. It specifically mentioned seroquel as one of the drugs that doctor's frequently prescribe hastily. Seroquel is supposed to be for bipolar disorder and schizophrenia, and my psychiatrist prescribed it as a mood stabilizer. For the last few years, I have been taking half a pill and it knocks me out.

Keeping in mind that this is also the drug I tried to commit suicide with all those years ago, when I took the entire bottle thinking it would be the most painless way to just sleep and never wake up. But I don't have bipolar disorder or schizophrenia, at least not to my knowledge. I don't see any reason to continue to take it just out of habit in order to sleep.

My week-long experiment has presented some interesting results. On one hand, I go to bed a lot later than I usually do, but I still wake up feeling more refreshed despite waking up at the same time. I haven't had any problems with mood swings, but then again I live a pretty low-key life and there isn't much to set me off. It used to be that if I skipped a few doses, I would get really irritated at the littlest things, but nothing has really irritated me yet.

I am still continuing to take Celexa, as it is supposed to be a mood-booster. Sometimes I do wonder how my life would have changed if I started taking anti-depressants in high school and college. It could have led me to a different path, not sure for better or for worse. There's really nothing I would change about my life right now except that I wish I had more money, but I don't think that's a psychological disorder.

It's been years since I played my guitar, and my the strings are all rusted. I've been tinkering with the idea of playing music again as a stress reliever. The only thing I can recall are the chords, but I'm sure I don't have any finger picking skills anymore. I keep listening to songs to inspire me, but my apathy and laziness get in the way. I end up just playing a couple of hours on PS3 and talking about it, like eating well and working out.

My recent blood tests show that I have high cholesterol, and the doctor told me to try doing cardio 3 times a week, which I have not done. Today, instead of doing that, I order myself carne asada fries and a burrito. It brought me much joy while I was eating it, but then I regreted it as soon as I finished. I am reminded of that Louis C.K. joke where he says he doesn't have any eating habits, just that he eats until he hates himself.

The new Nick Hornby book is a good read, if anyone hasn't read it yet. I enjoy all his books, and it gives me a sense of accomplishment to finish a book. This is a feat that has never occurred until after high school. If I told my high school self that I would be reading for fun instead of watching hours of TV, he would have laughed, or at least thought I was a nerd.



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