Apr. 5th, 2015

It has been 7 days since I've taken any form of anti-depressant. The first one I stopped weeks ago because of the pharmaceutical documentary I saw that specifically mentioned the medication that I was using was one of the most unethically overly-prescribed medication. The other one is one because my doctor's office is taking forever to refill, and it keeps going to the wrong pharmacy.

Sometimes I feel like John Nash trying to reason my way out of things, and thus far I haven't had any negative effects of being off the medication. Now I am wondering if I need any anti-depressants at all. As Davina mentioned, I am at a different point in my life and maybe I don't need it. For a while I figured if there were no negative side effects of the medication, then why stop taking it? Better to be safe than sorry.

My boss once told me that excercising regularly made him feel about the same as when he used to take medication. He even said that therapy helped him and offered to give me his therapist's number. I haven't seen a therapist in years, because whenever I used to go I felt like it was my medication that was doing more than talking out my problems. By nature I don't like talking about my feelings, because my parents never did.

I do recall one of the happiest days of my life was when I was released from the psychiatric ward of the hospital after I tried to kill myself. It was just a huge relief to be out of such a depressing place that it may have shocked me into being grateful for all that I have. My mom picked me up and we immediately went to In-N-Out and it was one of the best meals I had ever had.

So now I am debating whether or not I should even bother with any anti-depressants. It has been established that they worked, so I am thinking maybe I shouldn't take any until I get to the point where I feel like I need them again. Getting the medication wasn't breaking the bank or anything, but why spend money on something you may not need? Then again, there might be an inherent risk of going back to the dark place I used to dwell in for years, years that I consider lost.

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calvinl

September 2017

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