Jun. 18th, 2017 01:53 am
[personal profile] calvinl
There ought to be a balance between not caring what people think about you and being too accommodating to others. For the last few years I think I've cared too little about what people thought of me, and I've let myself go a bit, both physically and intellectually. I used to read more books and carried a little less weight, and now I feel apathetic towards everything to a fault.

Whether it's being comfortable in my life is a side effect of being married, I am not certain. Passionless isn't the right word, because I feel satisfied with my life, though I feel like there is a lot to improve on. I used to be more passionate about reading books and listening to music, but now I find myself just working all the time and watching TV. Not "critically acclaimed" shows people on Facebook rave about, but mostly old re-runs of shows I've watched over and over again.

Not only is my body in bad shape, but intellectually I feel dull. Sometimes in the course of conversations at work, I struggle to find the right words to use at a given moment. I pause and then give myself a moment for my brain to catch up, and usually I end up using a less than ideal word to articulate myself. I used to feel sharper and quicker, and now I just think "Eh, it doesn't matter, they kind of get the point."

Studies also show that being physically in shape is supposed to be better for your brain, so I wonder if my physical sluggishness has transferred over to my mental sluggishness. For awhile I refused to people that people in good shape were any smarter than overweight people like myself, but I think it has more to do with being the best person you can be. In other words, I could be smarter if I lost weight and had more energy everyday. Admittedly I stopped caring what other people thought of me, which could have led to where I am today.

My diet and exercise definitely needs a dramatic reset, as well as my ability to read. I need to establish a better and healthier routine, because we are creatures of habit after all.
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