No Refills

Sep. 18th, 2017 12:42 am
Here I am, sitting here silently on a quiet Sunday night when I should be laying down in my bed. The pharmacist decided to not refill my anti-depressant prescription that I have been taking for over 6 years because she said it interferes with the other anti-depressant that I take in the morning. The problem is that without it, I am not able to fall asleep.

My other anti-depressant is also low on refills, and when I don't take it I get withdrawal symptoms like nausea. Part of me is curious how I would be without any medication. Would I revert back to the way I used to be, constantly morose and pessimistic?

The sad thing is that I had pseudo-suicidal thoughts a week ago when I had to spend a weekend with my in-laws in San Diego. More accurately, it was with Davina, her sister, and her mother. When the three of them are together, they are quite possibly the most indecisive trio known to humankind. It truly was a case of paralysis by analysis, and I sat there wishing I was dead. It wasn't a serious thought, but extreme boredom can make my mind think of things, anything, just to end it.

I never admitted this to Davina, because for some reason she has it in her mind that I enjoy my time with her family as she does. When I told my boss about my torture of a weekend, he told me the next time if I don't want to go, just say that I have too much work to do and he would cover for me, which made me laugh. In fact, Davina approached me today about spending another weekend down with her mom, and said that I could hang out with her step dad.

Her step dad is a nice guy and I do feel like they criticize him too much just because he is a conservative. Although he is a nice guy, I feel like I have absolutely nothing in common with him other than the fact that we both like to eat. I am really strongly considering playing the "I'm too busy at work" card so I don't have to spend a whole weekend with the man. Sometimes I don't think Davina understands how much I need alone time just to recharge my batteries.


Jun. 18th, 2017 01:53 am
There ought to be a balance between not caring what people think about you and being too accommodating to others. For the last few years I think I've cared too little about what people thought of me, and I've let myself go a bit, both physically and intellectually. I used to read more books and carried a little less weight, and now I feel apathetic towards everything to a fault.

Whether it's being comfortable in my life is a side effect of being married, I am not certain. Passionless isn't the right word, because I feel satisfied with my life, though I feel like there is a lot to improve on. I used to be more passionate about reading books and listening to music, but now I find myself just working all the time and watching TV. Not "critically acclaimed" shows people on Facebook rave about, but mostly old re-runs of shows I've watched over and over again.

Not only is my body in bad shape, but intellectually I feel dull. Sometimes in the course of conversations at work, I struggle to find the right words to use at a given moment. I pause and then give myself a moment for my brain to catch up, and usually I end up using a less than ideal word to articulate myself. I used to feel sharper and quicker, and now I just think "Eh, it doesn't matter, they kind of get the point."

Studies also show that being physically in shape is supposed to be better for your brain, so I wonder if my physical sluggishness has transferred over to my mental sluggishness. For awhile I refused to people that people in good shape were any smarter than overweight people like myself, but I think it has more to do with being the best person you can be. In other words, I could be smarter if I lost weight and had more energy everyday. Admittedly I stopped caring what other people thought of me, which could have led to where I am today.

My diet and exercise definitely needs a dramatic reset, as well as my ability to read. I need to establish a better and healthier routine, because we are creatures of habit after all.
Hello all! I have switched over to Dreamwidth, not necessarily because of the "Russian LGBTQ" issue, although I wholeheartedly support the LGBTQ community. It's that I don't like the idea of censorship and that people should feel free to express whatever they want, even if you don't agree with them. I have friends that don't agree with me on every issue, and vice versa.

But that's okay. I hope that people feel comfortable expressing their feelings and ideas to me without feeling like they will be judged. As a rational human being (sometimes to a fault), I would be willing to discuss the issue at hand without it turning it into an argument.

It is also human nature to try to generalize things to make the world an easier place to understand, but sometimes things aren't black and white.
For some reason I watched the entire Republican debate last night since it was on the Google homepage. I don't make it a habit of watching any Republican debates as I consider myself a relatively progressive person. My current vote would be for Bernie Sanders, as I believe Hillary Clinton is a bit to centrist for my taste.

It did make me think that I should be listening to conservatives a little more, despite the fact I disagree with a lot of them, particularly on social issues. Last night's debate seemed to focus more on the issues since Donald Trump wasn't a part of it. From as far as an objective view I could have on the debates, I think Ted Cruz and Marco Rubio came across as total hypocrites who pander to gain votes regardless of their principles. In both of their cases, there were clips where they said things contrary to their positions today, and what worries me is that they didn't admit they changed their position but rather it was out of context. On top of that, when a direct question was asked they avoided giving a straight answer.

Of all the candidates that did participate the debate, I feel like Rand Paul was the one who stuck to his principles the most. Not that I agree with some of his principles, but it is definitely admirable coming from a politician. Jeb Bush did seem to be the most moderate of the bunch and actually seemed to be articulate in his responses, but I think it's too little too late for him. Ben Carson seemed completely out of his league. Chris Christie and John Kasich were boring and forgettable.

Overall they kept saying that they would defeat Hillary Clinton, which is a bit presumptuous. The only time that Bernie Sanders was mentioned was when Marco Rubio said that Bernie Sanders would be a great president for Sweden. I would be interested on how they would attack Bernie other than continually calling him a socialist like it's a dirty word.

Obviously progressives and conservatives have contrasting views on the role of government. Progressives see government as a way to help people, and conservatives see government as a way to hurt people. As a person who studied economics, I can understand why conservatives would favor a laissez faire capitalist system. But to me, I think this view lacks compassion for the fellow human being, which is ironic because the most pious people tend to vote conservative.

I don't understand why it's so hard to acknowledge the climate change exists and is proven by science. I don't think environmentalism and capitalism need to be at odds at each other. For instance, why is it so bad to have a cap-and-trade policy? It gives incentives for companies to be more energy efficient with the ability to sell any excess amount to other companies for profit. Isn't that what capitalism is all about, having the incentive to make more money?

I also don't understand why conservatives still don't understand what Planned Parenthood does. If anything, Planned Parenthood is against abortions.

If you believe in a limited government, then why exactly to you care if two gay people get married? Wouldn't wanting to prevent it overstep the boundaries of what a government should be doing?

If you believe in a balanced budget, then why do you support tax loopholes that only benefit the rich when fixing these loopholes could result in more government revenue without having to raise taxes on the middle class?

Are conservatives really trusting that for-profit health care companies would be doing what's in a patient's best interest rather than shareholders' interests?

Why do we think that gun violence will change if nothing gets done? The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

(no subject)

Dec. 29th, 2015 07:20 pm
In the movie Inception, the idea could be placed into one's mind through dreams, and one would wake up and do something about it. The other night I had a dream that my health was slowly withering away and my physical weakness was magnified, even when I woke up. Have I done anything about it? The obvious answer is no, because I am stubborn and convinced myself it was just a dream.

Then I realized that I'm not sure if I learned anything new in the past few years, mostly due to my skepticism or arrogance. The old addage that ignorance is bliss seems to apply to me tenfold. When I was younger, I wanted to know everything that was going on, but now I see knowledge as a liability. If I don't know something, then I can't be held responsible for it.
It has been 7 days since I've taken any form of anti-depressant. The first one I stopped weeks ago because of the pharmaceutical documentary I saw that specifically mentioned the medication that I was using was one of the most unethically overly-prescribed medication. The other one is one because my doctor's office is taking forever to refill, and it keeps going to the wrong pharmacy.

Sometimes I feel like John Nash trying to reason my way out of things, and thus far I haven't had any negative effects of being off the medication. Now I am wondering if I need any anti-depressants at all. As Davina mentioned, I am at a different point in my life and maybe I don't need it. For a while I figured if there were no negative side effects of the medication, then why stop taking it? Better to be safe than sorry.

My boss once told me that excercising regularly made him feel about the same as when he used to take medication. He even said that therapy helped him and offered to give me his therapist's number. I haven't seen a therapist in years, because whenever I used to go I felt like it was my medication that was doing more than talking out my problems. By nature I don't like talking about my feelings, because my parents never did.

I do recall one of the happiest days of my life was when I was released from the psychiatric ward of the hospital after I tried to kill myself. It was just a huge relief to be out of such a depressing place that it may have shocked me into being grateful for all that I have. My mom picked me up and we immediately went to In-N-Out and it was one of the best meals I had ever had.

So now I am debating whether or not I should even bother with any anti-depressants. It has been established that they worked, so I am thinking maybe I shouldn't take any until I get to the point where I feel like I need them again. Getting the medication wasn't breaking the bank or anything, but why spend money on something you may not need? Then again, there might be an inherent risk of going back to the dark place I used to dwell in for years, years that I consider lost.
Managing people is hard. Even when I try to think of all the managerial tactics that worked on me in my years of work experience, I just can't quite get everything to run perfectly. Part of me thinks that it's absurd to expect for everyone to do exactly what I want them to do. Also I can be quite self-centered in thinking that something that would take me a certain time should mean that another person should be able to accomplish that task in the same timeframe. After all, everyone has had a different life experience.

Growing up, I always had the ideal that people should be treated the exact same way, but that is not what makes a good manager. A good manager is someone who plays to his or her employee's strengths, and for a long time I didn't do that. I was drowned in my own tasks and just hoped that people did what I asked of them. I had trouble delegating because I am a distrustful person by nature and figured no one could handle what I did. It was a pride issue to think that if someone could do the exact thing that I did, I would no longer be needed. I had to prove my worth to the company, and figured if I ever left, the company would feel the pain of my absence.

When I was in school, I hated working in groups because I ended up doing most of the work myself. I think that subconsciously seeped into my view of the world. Teamwork was overrated. But now I know I can't do everything, because if I did I would lose my sanity.

That Indiana law that recently passed made me lose faith in humanity a bit, but I gained it back when big companies started speaking out against it. Big business always wins. It goes to show that if enough people voice their opinions, things could change. As for me, I don't think I voice my opinion enough. I think it's because that could lead to confrontation, which I don't like. Here are a few things that I think:

It isn't the role of government to treat any of their citizens differently. Everyone should have the same rights.
Some people think it's right to deny homosexuals or minorities certain rights, and to me it doesn't make any sense. If you are against homosexuality, it has no effect on your current situation (unless you are unsure of your sexual preference?). Homosexuals don't want to take a heterosexual's right to get married, so why should it matter?

If something makes sense economically, then it should be done. Just because you have something that you don't want other people to have, that should not play a role in the decision.
To explain, take the example of Obamacare. If you are insured, it doesn't affect you in the least. Your rates won't go up just because more people are planning to get affordable healthcare. Are you that bitter that you refuse to let other people have access to what you have? That's called elitism.

If someone has a different opinion than you, it doesn't mean that they are wrong.
I struggle with this sometimes, but an opinion is an opinion. There's no right or wrong opinions, there's just facts and how people react to them.

(no subject)

Feb. 16th, 2015 10:03 pm
A documentary about the unethical practices of pharmaceutical companies made me stop taking one of my medications. It specifically mentioned seroquel as one of the drugs that doctor's frequently prescribe hastily. Seroquel is supposed to be for bipolar disorder and schizophrenia, and my psychiatrist prescribed it as a mood stabilizer. For the last few years, I have been taking half a pill and it knocks me out.

Keeping in mind that this is also the drug I tried to commit suicide with all those years ago, when I took the entire bottle thinking it would be the most painless way to just sleep and never wake up. But I don't have bipolar disorder or schizophrenia, at least not to my knowledge. I don't see any reason to continue to take it just out of habit in order to sleep.

My week-long experiment has presented some interesting results. On one hand, I go to bed a lot later than I usually do, but I still wake up feeling more refreshed despite waking up at the same time. I haven't had any problems with mood swings, but then again I live a pretty low-key life and there isn't much to set me off. It used to be that if I skipped a few doses, I would get really irritated at the littlest things, but nothing has really irritated me yet.

I am still continuing to take Celexa, as it is supposed to be a mood-booster. Sometimes I do wonder how my life would have changed if I started taking anti-depressants in high school and college. It could have led me to a different path, not sure for better or for worse. There's really nothing I would change about my life right now except that I wish I had more money, but I don't think that's a psychological disorder.

It's been years since I played my guitar, and my the strings are all rusted. I've been tinkering with the idea of playing music again as a stress reliever. The only thing I can recall are the chords, but I'm sure I don't have any finger picking skills anymore. I keep listening to songs to inspire me, but my apathy and laziness get in the way. I end up just playing a couple of hours on PS3 and talking about it, like eating well and working out.

My recent blood tests show that I have high cholesterol, and the doctor told me to try doing cardio 3 times a week, which I have not done. Today, instead of doing that, I order myself carne asada fries and a burrito. It brought me much joy while I was eating it, but then I regreted it as soon as I finished. I am reminded of that Louis C.K. joke where he says he doesn't have any eating habits, just that he eats until he hates himself.

The new Nick Hornby book is a good read, if anyone hasn't read it yet. I enjoy all his books, and it gives me a sense of accomplishment to finish a book. This is a feat that has never occurred until after high school. If I told my high school self that I would be reading for fun instead of watching hours of TV, he would have laughed, or at least thought I was a nerd.


Feb. 13th, 2012 10:04 pm

There used to be a time where I would keep throwing pity parties, in hopes people would notice me and try to console me in some way. My low self-esteem needed constant stroking in order to survive from one day to the next. It was as though I was waiting for someone to save me from my life.

After awhile I realized there is a distinction between good attention and bad attention, and I was attracting a lot of bad attention for being who I was. It's better to have no attention than bad attention.

Now that I feel like most of the bad attention in my life is gone, I should be working on getting good attention. This starts from increasing my overall well-being by being healthier, more of a gentleman, and more knowledgeable. It's not something that I can accomplish overnight, but I know I have a better foundation now than I did a few years ago.


Feb. 5th, 2012 10:13 pm
Yesterday I was thinking that I should be updating more, but lately I have had an extreme case of writer's block.

Today I did end up going to the gym. It seems like Sunday mornings are the ideal time for going to the gym, because either people are in church or sleeping in. Though I negated my workout by eating four slices of pizza, two bread sticks, and ten honey chipotle barbecue wings. However, I imagine I probably would have eaten the same amount if I did not go to the gym, so something is better than nothing.

The other thing I realized is that there is beauty in chaos. Maybe the Joker is right. I used to be a little bit of a control freak, in the sense that I never listened to any music that I didn't pick out myself, and would upset when things did not go my way. To a certain extent, I am still the same way, just to a lesser degree. Lately I have been less of a planner in attempts to appear more spontaneous.

Expectations do lead to disappointment though, as my high school English teacher would say. I believe happiness involves some kind of equilibrium and balance, where even if you plan something and not everything goes the way that you anticipate it, the mixture of the unexpected makes life more interesting. It's almost like when you are listening to your music and you put it on shuffle, and you end up enjoying songs more than you thought you would.
Last night we went to see Beauty and the Beast. It was the first time I had seen the entire movie in its entirety, and I know it's a children's movie, but there are a few things that bothered me about it.

One thing that bothered me was that the prince started off as an asshole, and was even pretty temperamental when he was the beast. I understand that could be the animalistic nature, but he seemed like the kind of person who could be abusive when things didn't go his way. This sends a wrong message to children that they should stay with someone even if they display these kinds of characteristics. It seems almost like they are encouraging staying with someone in that relationship.

One could argue that it was a tale of redemption, because admittedly the beast shown some personal growth in that aspect. After all, people make mistakes and they could change. But people change because they want to change from within, not because of love of another person. In other words, love is usually not enough to get someone to change who they are, this seems to be a romanticized idea that people claim.

Even after the beast turns into a prince, there is no guarantee that he is a different person. I just found it hard to believe that someone could change in such a short period of time and forget who they are. I think it would have been a better ending if the beast dies even after Belle professes her love for him. This is not to sound pessimistic, because I know this is a children's movie. But I think it would teach kids a better lesson, instead of the stereotypical fairytale ending that gives kids the wrong idea about life.

It reminds me of a recent Disney movie, The Princess and the Frog. The prince that turned into a frog was a dick, and somehow he gets rewarded in the end. Although, now that I think about it, maybe it is more real life than I'd like to admit. I just hate it when arrogant pricks get rewarded when people who make an effort to be considerate all along gets shafted. It's like how at my junior high, the honor students were never recognized, and the student of the month is some truant who gets awarded because he miraculously got straight B's when they were barely passing their classes.

Redemption and change are good things, but what about the people who never let themselves get to that point
In my last post I have a list of 9 resolutions I wanted to accomplish. After a little less than two weeks into the year, I have only diligently followed two of the nine, which is to read at least 30 minutes a day and to not work past 7:30PM. Those two are probably the two easiest ones in the list.

Alas, I am not discouraged. There's always tomorrow, or next week. Lately I have been getting slightly better in regards to snoozing, because I purposely put my alarm out of arms-length so I cannot unconsciously hit the snooze. Also, last week I did work out two days, which is better than nothing.

Recently I watched the original Girl with the Dragon Tattoo trilogy (in Swedish). All of them are superb, for different reasons. The first one had good built-up sense of mystery and suspense, the second one had a nice pace, and the third full of justice and revelations in regards to the entire trilogy. Not sure if I will be seeing the American version though, even though it has been getting excellent reviews. Usually the originals are better than the remakes, even if the remakes are great (like Infernal Affairs and the Departed).
It is said that it takes twenty one days in order to change something about your daily routine so that it feels natural. I figure since the new year is coming upon us, why not start now and just maintain my goals once the new year hits? There are undoubtedly a lot of things I would like to change about myself, but mostly small things that I think I can handle.

1. Work out at least three times a week.
2. No snoozing when my alarm goes off.
3. Take 1 hour lunches away from my desk everyday.
4. Read at least 30 minutes a day.
5. No working past 7:30PM. No working on weekends.
6. Eat fast food no more than once a week. 
7. Go to bed before 11:00PM Sunday-Thursday night. 12:00AM Friday and Saturday nights.
8. Wake up before 9:30AM on weekends.
9. Eat breakfast everyday.

Of course, I really have 27 days to practice these things, so I hope not to get discouraged if I fall off the horse between now and the end of the year.

In other news, I did get a new cell phone and I love it. Although I think I'm getting too addicted to Tetris, so that may be a problem. I used to have an iPhone 3GS, and I think I like the android platform a little more. Maybe I just got too used to the Apple layout and I felt I needed a change. Now I have the Samsung Galaxy IIs.


Nov. 8th, 2011 11:17 pm
Intelligence seems to be all about recognizing patterns. At least, this is what I have gathered from taking various IQ tests online. But it makes sense, because in knowledge, there is always a method to the madness. They also say that insanity is when you do something over and over and expect different results. But there have been plenty of eccentric geniuses out there, although I suppose they may only be geniuses in certain subjects.

What I have also noticed in reading biographies of geniuses is that they tend to find solace in isolating themselves from society. Maybe they want to seclude themselves from the tyranny of majority, as communists would say. Have you ever noticed that the popular kids in movies are always dumb? Conversely, have you also noticed that the popular kids appear to be happier than the outcasts? Is it because ignorance is bliss?

Although I think I may have another theory. Intelligent people are harder to be satisfied. I'm sure once an intelligent person's needs are met, they probably would be relatively content with their lives. The cliche paradox of "the more you learn, the less you know" seems to apply in this case as well. The more you learn, the more the world opens up and the more problems there are to solve. Then it comes to your own idea of personal responsibility of whether you think you should be the one solving these problems.

Baby Steps

Oct. 26th, 2011 10:31 pm

I approached this week with my newly adopted philosophy of taking baby steps towards my ultimate goal. By that I mean that I tried to make the right decision in everything I had an option for, from what to have for lunch or what project I should prioritize at work. It worked extremely well for the first two days, but I find that whenever I make a wrong decision I end up on the slippery slope of being a sloth.

Actually this is more specific to my eating habits and my inability to get motivated to exercise. Unfortunately for me it is easy to indulge in the unhealthy, and also to make excuses for my lifestyle. However the cliche that anything worth having is something you need to work for seems to ring true to me lately. We had a company-wide meeting on Tuesday and my boss was going on about mission statements and core values, and I started to wonder how that would apply to me specifically. What exactly is my purpose in life, and how exactly am I taking the steps to get to that point?

When my boss first started at the company, I resented him because he kept pushing me to write down purposes and accomplishments that I have done, and for some reason I chalked it up to him wasting my time with things that don't matter to me. For awhile I kept thinking, this guy has absolutely no clue how much time and effort I put into the company, and instead of having me come up with accomplishments, just ask the CEO.

I don't want to say that I've lost my identity (at least whatever it is I called my identity) in the past few years of him working there, but I'm starting to see what he's been trying to do all along. Maybe my resentment stemmed from being uncomfortable defining who I am and what I hoped to accomplish in my life. Sometimes we just have to stop and think about why are we doing the things that we do in the grand scheme of things.

To this day I still don't have an answer, but merely a murky idea of what I want to do in my life. For instance, I'm pretty good with using numbers in a practical way, so in that respect I am in the right profession. But my ultimate ambition isn't to become rich or anything like that. All I want to have is happiness, love, and being financially stable enough to buy a house and support a family. Is this goal too achievable? If you asked me this while I was in college, I would retort that achieving that would be extremely difficult. Now that I think about it more and more, maybe I haven't set my bar high enough.

Also I have been thinking about God, or at least the concept of God. I am, by nature, a skeptic. I don't trust people or things very easily, and I don't think I will ever get to the point where I would believe something just because someone told me. But by concept of God, it's an issue of semantics. Maybe there is an outside, undefinable source that is outside of one's control that a human being just has to accept. After all, life isn't necessarily about controlling all aspects of your life; it could just be about how to adapt to what life throws at you.

Then there's the issue of confidence, and the belief in oneself to be able to handle the chaos of life. I use the term "chaos" very loosely, for I don't consider my life to be particularly chaotic. It used to be that I didn't think I could do anything, which is why I never tried new things. I stuck to my comfort zone, and anything outside of my comfort zone I avoided (or rationalized that it was not worth knowing/accomplishing). The fear of failure was paralyzing and kept me from doing things that I could, in retrospect, easily handle.

I'm a little better with those kinds of things now. At least I know my skill set and what I can bring to the table. If I can't bring something to the table, I don't get down on myself about it. I just ask someone else to help me, and if they don't know how to do it, then I ask someone else until someone knows what I'm asking. It all seems simple now, but for some reason I though of myself as the end all be all to all of life's problems.

Tai Chi

Sep. 19th, 2011 10:16 pm
For now it seems like I'm waiting for some form of revelation, to get me to live a physically healthier life. More than likely it would need to be a dramatic event, like my doctor looking me straight in the eye and telling me I need to start eating healthier and exercising. This never happens though. When I did blood work for my physical, he stated everything checked out normally, so I don't have any health risks, for now. Which is odd because I eat a lot of fast food and I don't get a whole lot of exercise.

It reminds me of all those years I spent wasted feeling sorry for myself, depressed, and wondering why the world sucked so much. I had to try to kill myself and get committed in the mental ward of a hospital in order for me to truly appreciate my life. As sad as it may sound, I don't think I would have ever gotten out of my funk if I didn't do that. Trying to commit suicide is probably the best thing I could have done for myself. Sure I still have bad days, as most people do. But now everything seems easy in retrospect, and even the difficult things can be accomplished if given enough time.

So mentally and psychologically I'm as healthy as I've ever been, but physically I'm in the worst shape of my life. I always think of excuses, like my shoulder hurts or it's too late to go the gym, but I really should stop. It's hard sometimes because I work a lot and then I have classes on top of that. But I was reading Bruce Lee's wikipedia and that guy is a beast. He worked out so many hours a day, but it surprises me to find out that he passed away at the age of 32.

I was tinkering with the idea of learning tai chi, just as something to calm me down and help me physically. Not a lot of people know this, but I'm a black belt in Tae Kwon Do. But since I'm so inflexible and slow now, I might as well be a white belt.

Anyway, for this first time in years, I received a 100% on my exam. It was long overdue, since I don't remember when the last time I received 100%. In college I used to be satisfied with a C, and happy with a B. Now I demand getting A's in every class I take. Reminds me of my elementary school years before academia sucked the energy out of me. Knowing what I know now, I wish I didn't go to college right after high school.

Life Update

Sep. 5th, 2011 04:28 pm
Life has been about the same, with minor ups and downs. Today is Labor Day so it was nice to get a day off work just doing absolutely nothing. We did recently buy a new mattress and bed, so I have been sleeping pretty well. Some might say too well, but at least my work has been pretty lenient with my schedule. It used to be that I thought of my current job as a stepping stone in my career, but I think I am satisfied with my professional life for the time being.

My recent purchase of the Kindle has been worth it, since I find myself reading more often than I used to. Right now I am a quarter of the way through Heart of Darkness, but I put that on hold to read some book on personality traits of human beings. My previous post is an indication of how I am in my life, and I think I am fine with it. Sometimes I wonder if at the age of 30 if it's too late to change certain personality traits that I have, but after examining my results I think there's nothing really about my personality that I would change. I am by nature an introvert, and I used to think this was some kind of flaw until I realized a lot of extroverted people make me somewhat uncomfortable. I have what I consider to be a healthy dose of skepticism in life, because naivety is something I don't admire.

Also this past week I started going back to school, and unfortunately I have to sit next to some airhead to always asks me questions that she should already know the answer to. Then she asked if I wanted to be in her study group, a concept my professor had encouraged. In all my life I've always had bad experiences with study groups because I end up knowing the most and doing most of the work. It reminded me of the time my freshman English teacher in high school forced us into study groups, and I found myself being the only one actively trying to get a decent grade on the project. Although there were times when groups were fun, most notably when I worked with my friends in our "advanced" classes. But I have come to realize that I enjoy the company more of people who have equal or greater intellect than me, which is pretty much all of my friends. I am by no means suggesting that I am an advanced intellect, but stupid people annoy me a lot. So in that respect, I would rather work by myself than with a group of idiots.

Finally saw the last Harry Potter film yesterday, and I actually enjoyed it despite never reading the books and only watching the first movie. My mind is not designed to live in a world of fantasy, but it did tickle my seldom used imagination. Maybe I should blame genetics, because both of my parents are excessively practical. For example for Valentine's Day, my dad bought my mom a brand new refrigerator. Also, I am a relatively late bloomer when it comes to reading, since I spent most of my youth and academia just reading cliff notes and not understanding why one would waste time on the journey when I would rather be at the destination.

I think I need to go on some exotic vacation, but I need to save up money for that. I was thinking I wanted to go to a place where one wouldn't think of going, because Hawaii seems too common of a place. In my life, I also took some not-so-secret pride in the idea of being unique and exclusive. Maybe the Virgin Islands or something along those lines. Sometimes I arrogantly think I'm a trend setter, because there used to be places I went to that were quaint and now they are packed to the brim with people. When I went to a company function on Friday night, everyone was ordering beer and martinis, and I opted for a pomegranate mojito. Next thing I knew, everyone at the table ordered the same drink as me.

Your score on Extroversion is low, indicating you are introverted, reserved, and quiet. You enjoy solitude and solitary activities. Your socializing tends to be restricted to a few close friends

Your level of Agreeableness is average, indicating some concern with others' Needs, but, generally, unwillingness to sacrifice yourself for others.

Your score on Conscientiousness is high. This means you set clear goals and pursue them with determination. People regard you as reliable and hard-working.

Your score on Neuroticism is low, indicating that you are exceptionally calm, composed and unflappable. You do not react with intense emotions, even to situations that most people would describe as stressful.

Your score on Openness to Experience is low, indicating you like to think in plain and simple terms. Others describe you as down-to-earth, practical, and conservative.

Wow, it has been a long time since I have updated this journal. A lot of things have happened since my last post, one of the more significant things being moving out of my mom's house and into an apartment in Irvine. Irvine has the least crime of any city with at least 100,000 people. This is why it is important to drive carefully around Irvine, because the police have nothing better to do than to give traffic tickets.

Also, I was given a raise at work which was a pleasant surprise. I had intended to ask for a raise at the end of the year, after I demonstrated all the projects I completed this year. It's refreshing to work for a company that appreciates what you do.

Other than that, nothing much to report other than the obligatory "I'm trying to get in shape." Eating healthier at lunch isn't as much of a challenge as I thought it would be. I think sometimes I get so caught up in work I feel like I have to go to a drive-thru at a fast food restaurant to take lunch back to my desk. Sometimes it's just good to get away from the office and recharge your batteries.

We are currently working on converting our apartment balcony to a hookah lounge. Since I know nothing about design, I'm letting Davina pick out the decor. The only thing I picked out was the hookah and the flavors for it. The other thing I am looking to do is to get more passionate about tea. My mom has an expensive tea set at home she said she wanted to give to me because no one is using it. My brother warned me that it might be a pain in the ass to clean, but I guess if I want to be passionate about it, I have to put forth the effort. But after learning more and more about tea, I've realized that it can be an expensive hobby. For instance, my mom has a one pound bag of tea leaves that my dad bought from a tea house in China for $420.00 U.S. Dollars. But I think the first thing I will do is to start indulging in loose leaf teas instead of relying on tea bags.

Start at 3:35

Apr. 13th, 2011 09:23 pm

This post is dedicated to the Brazilian couple who picked us up in the middle of nowhere on Highway 1 after I blew out my front tire while running over a rock, and had absolutely no service on my cell phone.

People probably have seen the photos I put on my facebook, but the part of the weekend that was not photo-documented was interesting as well. Davina and I left Hearst Castle looking for a restaurant to eat at dinner, and we were driving an incredibly dangerous area of the highway that twisted and turned along a rock slide area, with the other side being the ocean. As majestic as that may sound, it also resulted in no cell phone signals being available.

Luckily this Brazilian couple stopped and picked us up to take us to the nearest town. It was the incredibly tiny "town" known as Gorda, which consisted of a lodge which no one stayed at, a general store that wasn't open, and a gas station. The phone call to AAA itself was an adventure, since they couldn't figure out where Gorda was on the map, and I kept getting passed back and forth between Northern California AAA and Southern California AAA.

While on the phone I did talk to a guy named Will, who is a 73 year old biker who biked all the way from Fort Lauderdale, Florida to California. He needed to use the phone to tell one of his colleagues that he didn't need a ride to Monterey since it was only 60 miles away and he could bike it. Now that's hardcore.

I offered to buy the Brazilian couple dinner for the inconvenience we caused them, but there were no restaurants around. So then I tried to give them some money, but they didn't want to take it. They were incredibly nice and owe them a debt of gratitude.

It was cold outside, at least for California. It was around the mid 30 degrees Fahrenheit, and all I had on was my track jacket. Davina and I scurried periodically between the laundry room that happened to be unlocked and the pay phone, to make sure we didn't miss the tow truck guy. While we waited, about 5 raccoons were walking around and made me somewhat nervous. When the tow truck guy arrived, he also made me nervous because he had this odd aura about him, almost like a stereotypical serial killer from a horror movie.

Luckily he ended up being a pretty cool guy, although he told us there's nothing open to eat in the area. No Denny's, truck stop or fast food restaurants, nothing. This pretty much bummed us out because we didn't eat dinner. We drove 30 miles south to San Simeon to have a bowl of cheerios and sleep at the Quality Inn.

The next morning we had to drive about 45 miles south to get my tire fixed in the town of San Luis Obispo. Then we drove up to San Jose. And that, ladies and gentlemen, is the missing written piece of the puzzle about what happened between Hearst Castle and San Jose.
Page generated Oct. 22nd, 2017 03:11 pm
Powered by Dreamwidth Studios